Thursday 12 February 2015

Ode to a Traffic Warden - You know who you are

Find a space
Park the car
Ignore the rain
Where to pay

How long
How much
Where is the thing
The robot meter
Feeds on coins
Spews out tickets
With sticky back
Fix on windows
Blow away
How much is it
How long to stay

The same old thing
Its every day
Pull it out
Stick it on
Where the warden
The little Hitler
Pain in the arse
Why do we hate them
Sneaky ways
Lurking gaze
Wait to pounce
When time is up

So careful when you park your car
Buy a ticket
Set your clock
Check the car's
Between the lines
Check the time
So you will know
Don’t forget
They’ve seen you go

You walk away 
Without a care
Your head is floating in the air
Dashing off
To do the shop
Stop for coffee
Bloody hell
Inside the head there rings a bell
Forgot to set the bloody clock
Got no ticket
Oh my god

Me time is up
It’s time to go, 
Forgot the ticket 
Oh bloody no
The bloody wardens
Bound to know
They have a second sense you know
The day you want her far away
You know she’s on her bloody way

Too late you cry 
The bastards struck
She’s checking times
What effin luck
A yellow sticker on the screen
It makes you want to bloody scream

So when you park your car today
Check before you walk away
You’ve set the clock
Or bought a sticker
You don’t want Hitler 
To wet her knickers
Another dozy bloody Parker
That’s ten to day
Forgot to pay
Just wait till I gets me pay
No need to work another day! 

Fat chance…

Written with feeling as they say. Not all Traffic Wardens are pariahs we know but this one is...

Alistair Parker
12th February 2015

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