Ode to a Traffic Warden - You know who you are

Find a space
Park the car
Ignore the rain
Where to pay

How long
How much
Where is the thing
The robot meter
Feeds on coins
Spews out tickets
With sticky back
Fix on windows
Blow away
How much is it
How long to stay

The same old thing
Its every day
Pull it out
Stick it on
Where the warden
The little Hitler
Pain in the arse
Why do we hate them
Sneaky ways
Lurking gaze
Wait to pounce
When time is up

So careful when you park your car
Buy a ticket
Set your clock
Check the car's
Between the lines
Check the time
So you will know
Don’t forget
They’ve seen you go

You walk away 

Without a care

Your head is floating in the air

Dashing off

To do the shop

Stop for coffee

Bloody hell

Inside the head there rings a bell

Forgot to set the bloody clock

Got no ticket

Oh my god

Me time is up

It’s time to go, 

Forgot the ticket 

Oh bloody no

The bloody wardens

Bound to know

They have a second sense you know

The day you want her far away

You know she’s on her bloody way

Too late you cry 

The bastards struck

She’s checking times

What effin luck

A yellow sticker on the screen

It makes you want to bloody scream

So when you park your car today

Check before you walk away

You’ve set the clock

Or bought a sticker

You don’t want Hitler 

To wet her knickers

Another dozy bloody Parker

That’s ten to day

Forgot to pay

Just wait till I gets me pay

No need to work another day! 

Fat chance…

Written with feeling as they say. Not all Traffic Wardens are pariahs we know but this one is...

Alistair Parker

12th February 2015